It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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