If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
