I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
