failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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