and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Randomize
