im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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