I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
