Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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