i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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