I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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