I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize