So drunk its hurt
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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