I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
