it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
