I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is wine microwaveable?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
