You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
