I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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