theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
