The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
