I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
