get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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