I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He did a backflip because drugs
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
