He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
