That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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