I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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