and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
