God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
