when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize