go do what you do best...puke behind churches
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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