It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
