like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
