I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
