I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
