party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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