I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
