just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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