She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
