i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
someone get that fucking seahorse.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
