I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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