meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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