Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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