I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
