Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
