this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
