I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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