he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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