omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
