It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize