last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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