i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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