and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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