Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
