the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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