You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
