I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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