You're my little dorito
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think my moral compass just broke
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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