she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
