I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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