Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
