I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
