She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
