I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
