I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
