how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
