You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize