im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
